Monday, June 30, 2008

The Empty Jelly Dounut And Uncle Fred's New Shoes

 Who would do such a thing?

There I am, a wide-eyed innocent over-excited, imaginative but mostly HUNGRY 8-year old who just found the hidden jelly donuts.  Oh joy of joys!  I quietly jam my dirty little hand into the box and grab a donut, then take off like nobody's business!  And of course, I know I won't get caught ...

            

Safely hidden in "my forest" ( since I played in it so much I assumed I owned it ) I'm just sitting on a rock pondering the now-squished baked delight.  Should I eat the jelly first, like you're supposed to if you're under 10?  Or should I take polite little nibbles at the cake part until I hit the hidden gooey surprise?  What to do....decisions!  I go ahead and bite down right in the center.

EMPTY!  WHAT????  Nothing!  Hey where's the gooey jelly, huh?  What's this crapola?  What a gip!  Boy I'm red as boiled lobster and just as pissed.  This is no way to treat a brave kid like me, who risked life and limb to steal this precious treat!  WHERE'S THE DAMN JELLY!!!!????

                               

Somehow, after about 10 seconds of deep thought, I decided the big people had something to do with it.  The grown-ups.  The know-it-alls.  The donut-hiders.  The make-you-do-stupid-homework people.  Well I'll show them.  With the mutant donut safely stuck into my kids-jeans back pocket, I sneak back to the house - where THEY live.  The big people.  I dive from tree to tree back to the house, thinking no one can see me.  a HA hahaha!  So clever ....

              

O look, there's Uncle Fred's dumb smelly car, the green one.  I hate that car.  It smells like a dirty t-shirt.  I'm too curious about everything, so of course I open the door.  I see nothing of interest.  I dart my eyes to and fro, then silently slam the door shut.  Now onto my real business ....

                         

Into the house, by way of the garage - no one'll see me hahahaha....but wait!  I hear big-people talking upstairs somewhere.  My ears "move" to adjust to the direction of the sound (convinced I'm a bat).  It's coming from the living room.  Okay, no problem, I can still get this donut back in the box.

                                  

But what's this???  I spy a pair of new-looking brown shoes on the landing of the stairs.  Hm.  Interesting.  They smell like a dirty t-shirt.  Hey!  Must be Uncle Fred's shoes!!  Now my plan is forming along nicely.  I put my hand to my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  a HAAAAAA!!!!

                                  

Reaching into my back pocket I grab as much as the crumbled un-jellied donut I can, I push it into Uncle Fred's shoe.  It goes in nice and...hey what's this?  It's sticky!  Like....o no, like JELLY!  But, hey I thought...I didn't taste any jelly before, what the....o crapola there's jelly everywhere now.  All over the place, inside these new smelly shoes, not fair!  NOT FAIR I think to myself.  I didn't get the good jelly part when I bit it, what IS this weird donut???  Now I've done it.  Now I'm done for.

                           

With smushed jelly and cake in Uncle Fred's new shoes, I rush down the stairs and out the back door, run to my forest and my rock where I sit like "The Thinker"   trying to work out what mischief to do next.  I picture Uncle Fred putting his new shoes on, then....squishhhh!  Then, "CATHERINE!  GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOWWWWW!" 

Waiting for the end of the world, I sit there and think, "Hey wait...." and it comes to me, like a flash of stupidity, only I of course, think it's genius.

                       

I'll just blame my brother!  Yeah that's it, I'll blame my brother and it'll be all over, what a great idea!  My nutty kid-mind thinks this'll actually work.  I run home to tell my Mother how I saw my brother put a jelly donut in Uncle Fred's new shoes.  O I'm so kewl,  so smart, so.....huh?  what's this?

Mother, brother, other brother, sisters, and smelly Uncle Fred are all laughing as Mom dries one of his shoes - THE shoe.  What's this odd scene, I didn't plan on this!  Hm.  Should I just slip out?  Mom looks over at me, smiling:        

"O Catherine look at this, isn't it funny?  Uncle Fred dropped a donut into his new shoe, isn't he silly?"   

Everyone was laughing like kids.  Well, they WERE kids.  Laughing like loons.  I didn't get it.

                           

Uncle Fred looks directly at me:

"Well Cathy dear, see what happens when you don't watch what you're doing?  How silly of me!  Gotta be more careful, wouldn't you say?" 

                      

HE KNOWS!  I KNOW he knows.  He knows I did it.  My brain actually HURTS.  He's trying to tell me something but I don't get it.  Actually it took about 20 years before I DID get it but now I know the guy was just being a sport and if I could just see him now, I'd say:

"Uncle Fred, thanks for saving my hide, and by the way, I LOVE the way your shoes smell!"   

                                   

                  

223 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I love that story , you were lucky and brave I would of never done that as a kid ..
hugs
Sherry

Anonymous said...

Wow..  You were lucky your Uncle Fred was either forgetful or understanding!  :)  Cute story.  Julie

Anonymous said...

Sneaky little jelly stuffer you!

Anonymous said...

I like this little story.  I can just see it all. You do write well. Because when you are a kid little acts of mischief can lead to major disasters depending on the tempers of the adults in charge. My grandson Dante is always running afoul of some adult who does not think his teasing antics are one bit funny. And of course we all know there are some savage adults who will murder chiildren in their care for lesser offenses.  Gerry
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Anonymous said...

What a great funny story..........loved it!   Anne

Anonymous said...

Thank you that was a super story...One to take to bed tonight with me to bring a smile to my face.  Love SYbil xx

Anonymous said...

What a GREAT story!  And what a great Uncle Fred!
Lori

Anonymous said...

Awesome story hon! And a terrific uncle in the mix. (Hugs)Indigo

Anonymous said...

great entry ...love it

Anonymous said...

So cute!  That is just the way a kid's mind
works.  Your uncle endeared himself to you
forever by his act of kindness.  Great memory.

Anonymous said...

LOL, thoroughly enjoyed this one Cathy.  Lovely Uncle you have there!

Anonymous said...

Lmao Oh My Starlady, what fun! Great uncle and brilliant story. Love Pam xx

Anonymous said...

awwwwwwwwwww that was a very cute and sweet story!  PUN intended!  Hugs

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Anonymous said...

What can I say to that besides :-)
Martha

Anonymous said...

I love the way his new shoes smell too.  ;)

Anonymous said...

     Where would any of us be without our Uncle Freds?
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http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

Anonymous said...

What a brilliant story ~ Ally x

Anonymous said...

Hi my dear friend.  I loved your story, I can just imagine you stealing that donut and finding no jelly in it, lmao.  Then trying to hide it in those shoes.  What a lovely memory, of a dear man, who saved your hide.  Good for Uncle Fred.  Keep writing your stories Luddie, they always bring a smile to my face and warm my heart.

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