The Sunday Funnies From Jerry

Well, my pal Jerry is back with some great jokes, and as usual, it's the actual things kids come out with that are funniest.  These are answers by elementary school children on the subject of why God made mothers.   

WHY DID GOD MAKE MOTHERS?

l.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2.  Mostly to clean the house.

3.  To help us get out of there when we're getting born.

HOW DID GOD MAKE MOTHERS?

l.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2.  Magic plus super-powers and alot of stirring.

3.  The same way He made me but with bigger parts.

WHAT INGREDIENTS ARE MOTHERS MADE OF?

l.   Out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.

2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  They mostly use string, I think.

WHY DID GOD GIVE YOU YOUR MOTHER AND NOT SOME OTHER MOTHER?

l.  We're related.

2.  God knew she likes me alot more than other people's moms like me.

WHAT KIND OF LITTLE GIRL WAS YOUR MOTHER?

l.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2.  I don't know cause I wasn't there but my guess would be, pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.

WHAT DID MOM NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DAD BEFORE SHE MARRIED HIM?

l.  His last name.

2.  She had to know his backround, like, is he a cook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

WHY DID YOUR MOM MARRY YOUR DAD?

l.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my mom eats alot.

2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.  Grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

WHO'S THE BOSS AT YOUR HOUSE?

l.  Mom doesn't want to be the boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has alot more to do than dad.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MOMS AND DADS?

l.  Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work.  (  kids even get it ! ) 

2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4.  Moms have magic.  They make you feel better without medicine.   ( awww... )

WHAT DOES YOUR MOTHER DO IN HER SPARE TIME?

l.  Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO MAKE YOUR MOM PERFECT?

l.  On the inside, she's already perfect.  On the outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR MOM WHAT WOULD IT BE?

l.  She has this weird thing about keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2.  I think I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

                 And here's a little extra true story:

The Church congregation was hushed.  The preacher extended his arms and looked to the heavens with a rapturous expression, saying "Dear Lord, without You we are but dust ..."  A little girl paying close attention asked quite loudy, "Mommy, what's butt dust?"

Once again, thanks for the laughs Jerry :-)) !!