The Fear Of Being Needed

Ever notice how vulnerable we feel at the times we're needed most?  What if we fail?  We want to comfort and assure our friend who's crying on our shoulder or over the phone that all will be well, but we can't help having those doubts.  How do you say with honesty, "It'll be fine, you'll see."  When someone puts us in the role of "needed person" our vulnerability is showing.  After all, aren't we blind to the future?  We have no idea if "it'll be fine".   

Most times we're up to the task.  Our pal hugs us and walks home feeling alot better.  We pat our swelling ego and think, gee but I'm a good person!  But what if we weren't up to the task?  Then it's "How dare someone put me in this position?  Do they think I can solve everyone's problems??  Not fair!"  So that tender, doubting side appears from within our very being, from the core, and we are now more in need than our friend.

If someone needed a dollar, I could hand it over.  If they needed $100 well, see now I'm vulnerable because I really don't want to give it up, even if I do have it .  Are we ever comfortable with the need in others?  And don't we sometimes fear they'll ask for more?  Interesting.

It's not quite the way a patient needs his nurse, who shifts gear into their training mode using all the skills they've learned to see to the patient's needs.  No, this is more esoteric, more primal, basic.  Like ancestral memory, when our first cousins gave a hungry cave-mate some seared meat instead of the usual cowering in a rocky corner, wolfing it down and growling if anyone came near.  The first act of kindness based on someone else's need.  The start of the vulnerable human.    

I always believed that every thought created by the human brain was a force of energy, and we know energy can't be destroyed, only metamorphed, changed into something else.  I'm happy to say that this is a quantifiable thing, measureable in many ways. Thoughts into energy.  

Since energy can't "die" but only mutate into another thing of energy, where does it go?  Where does potential energy go?  Like, if you took a Slinky (remember those?) and wrapped the springs in rubber bands nice and tight, then dropped it in a vat of acid, where would that potential energy go?  Provoking.    

I believe that every action, every thought, leaves its imprint within our world.  It continues through evolving time to this day and exists all around us.  This could explain why people, credible people, claim they've seen "spirit-like" lights, forms, ectoplasmic shapes that resemble people actually.  Has anyone ever seen the "ghost" of a squirrel?  Or a giraffe?  What about a tree?  Only humans, it seems.  And if reincarnation is, indeed, a fact, could we ever see the ghost of our former selves?  Would we recognize it?  That's why I say it's human brain energy that hangs around long after the animated body that held it in.  So, if you walk through a place in time where centuries ago someone strangled someone else in great anger, you may feel a chill, or actually see a form, some kind of light.  Even strangely-clothed people.  The imprint of the past energy from that incident.  I wonder what kind of imprints our actions are creating this very minute .... centuries from now, someone will walk through the space we are occupying and perhaps feel someone of what we feel right now.  Or even see a "ghost" of an oddly-clothed person sitting at a strange machine that taps out words on a screen.  Makes one think more carefully on what we do while we're here, I'd say.  Leaving negative energy is a bit like "spectral littering' - perhaps we should be more thoughtful of future life, in the types of "ghosts" we leave them to deal with?  Imagine. 

Didn't our early ancestors have emotions, however undisciplined?  Didn't they feel a kind of unwanted inadequacy when called upon for emotional support by a cave-mate, who may've just seen his friend gored by a saber-toothed tiger?  Allthat energy, still imprinted all around us!  Fascinating.  

It may explain something else - why the warmth of an outdoor fire at night beneath a star-studded sky will warm us more fully than some safe indoor fireplace flicker, under a roof rather than the stars.  

I want to have the ability to help in anyway when asked by anyone for anything, yet my ancient vulnerability makes me doubt my skill.  The fact that I know I could fail is my own conceit, for surely I am as flawed and needy as the one who needs me.