The Empty Jelly Dounut And Uncle Fred's New Shoes

 Who would do such a thing?

There I am, a wide-eyed innocent over-excited, imaginative but mostly HUNGRY 8-year old who just found the hidden jelly donuts.  Oh joy of joys!  I quietly jam my dirty little hand into the box and grab a donut, then take off like nobody's business!  And of course, I know I won't get caught ...

            

Safely hidden in "my forest" ( since I played in it so much I assumed I owned it ) I'm just sitting on a rock pondering the now-squished baked delight.  Should I eat the jelly first, like you're supposed to if you're under 10?  Or should I take polite little nibbles at the cake part until I hit the hidden gooey surprise?  What to do....decisions!  I go ahead and bite down right in the center.

EMPTY!  WHAT????  Nothing!  Hey where's the gooey jelly, huh?  What's this crapola?  What a gip!  Boy I'm red as boiled lobster and just as pissed.  This is no way to treat a brave kid like me, who risked life and limb to steal this precious treat!  WHERE'S THE DAMN JELLY!!!!????

                               

Somehow, after about 10 seconds of deep thought, I decided the big people had something to do with it.  The grown-ups.  The know-it-alls.  The donut-hiders.  The make-you-do-stupid-homework people.  Well I'll show them.  With the mutant donut safely stuck into my kids-jeans back pocket, I sneak back to the house - where THEY live.  The big people.  I dive from tree to tree back to the house, thinking no one can see me.  a HA hahaha!  So clever ....

              

O look, there's Uncle Fred's dumb smelly car, the green one.  I hate that car.  It smells like a dirty t-shirt.  I'm too curious about everything, so of course I open the door.  I see nothing of interest.  I dart my eyes to and fro, then silently slam the door shut.  Now onto my real business ....

                         

Into the house, by way of the garage - no one'll see me hahahaha....but wait!  I hear big-people talking upstairs somewhere.  My ears "move" to adjust to the direction of the sound (convinced I'm a bat).  It's coming from the living room.  Okay, no problem, I can still get this donut back in the box.

                                  

But what's this???  I spy a pair of new-looking brown shoes on the landing of the stairs.  Hm.  Interesting.  They smell like a dirty t-shirt.  Hey!  Must be Uncle Fred's shoes!!  Now my plan is forming along nicely.  I put my hand to my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  a HAAAAAA!!!!

                                  

Reaching into my back pocket I grab as much as the crumbled un-jellied donut I can, I push it into Uncle Fred's shoe.  It goes in nice and...hey what's this?  It's sticky!  Like....o no, like JELLY!  But, hey I thought...I didn't taste any jelly before, what the....o crapola there's jelly everywhere now.  All over the place, inside these new smelly shoes, not fair!  NOT FAIR I think to myself.  I didn't get the good jelly part when I bit it, what IS this weird donut???  Now I've done it.  Now I'm done for.

                           

With smushed jelly and cake in Uncle Fred's new shoes, I rush down the stairs and out the back door, run to my forest and my rock where I sit like "The Thinker"   trying to work out what mischief to do next.  I picture Uncle Fred putting his new shoes on, then....squishhhh!  Then, "CATHERINE!  GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOWWWWW!" 

Waiting for the end of the world, I sit there and think, "Hey wait...." and it comes to me, like a flash of stupidity, only I of course, think it's genius.

                       

I'll just blame my brother!  Yeah that's it, I'll blame my brother and it'll be all over, what a great idea!  My nutty kid-mind thinks this'll actually work.  I run home to tell my Mother how I saw my brother put a jelly donut in Uncle Fred's new shoes.  O I'm so kewl,  so smart, so.....huh?  what's this?

Mother, brother, other brother, sisters, and smelly Uncle Fred are all laughing as Mom dries one of his shoes - THE shoe.  What's this odd scene, I didn't plan on this!  Hm.  Should I just slip out?  Mom looks over at me, smiling:        

"O Catherine look at this, isn't it funny?  Uncle Fred dropped a donut into his new shoe, isn't he silly?"   

Everyone was laughing like kids.  Well, they WERE kids.  Laughing like loons.  I didn't get it.

                           

Uncle Fred looks directly at me:

"Well Cathy dear, see what happens when you don't watch what you're doing?  How silly of me!  Gotta be more careful, wouldn't you say?" 

                      

HE KNOWS!  I KNOW he knows.  He knows I did it.  My brain actually HURTS.  He's trying to tell me something but I don't get it.  Actually it took about 20 years before I DID get it but now I know the guy was just being a sport and if I could just see him now, I'd say:

"Uncle Fred, thanks for saving my hide, and by the way, I LOVE the way your shoes smell!"