Perfectly Useful Bumper Stickers

By now you've heard of my friend Jerry.  He'd like me to laugh even more, so I thought I'd share the yuks.  These are great bumper stickers, take a read:

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED:  Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to MEEE!

Beer - not just for breakfast anymore.

And beauty is still in the eye of the beer-holder.

All men are idiots and I married the king.

The longer you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Hard work has future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

As long as there are tests, there'll be prayer in public schools.

Hang up and drive!

God must love stupid people - look at them all!

I said "no" to drugs, they didn't listen.

Smile, it's the 2nd best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an I.Q. test, the results were negative.  Whew!

Where there's a Will . . . . . .  I want to be in it.

Consciousness:  that annoying time between naps.

Always remember you're unique - just like everybody else.

I don't have a license to kill, only a learner's permit.

Alcohol and calculous don't mix:  never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast and easy.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen - or something.

Jack Kervorkian for White House physician!

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

EARTH FIRST!  We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.

Who were the testers for Preparations A thru G?

Keep honking so I can re-load.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

         and the worst, most rude of all:

Have a nice day! 

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