Saturday, March 3, 2007

The Fear Of Being Needed

Ever notice how vulnerable we feel at the times we're needed most?  What if we fail?  We want to comfort and assure our friend who's crying on our shoulder or over the phone that all will be well, but we can't help having those doubts.  How do you say with honesty, "It'll be fine, you'll see."  When someone puts us in the role of "needed person" our vulnerability is showing.  After all, aren't we blind to the future?  We have no idea if "it'll be fine".   

Most times we're up to the task.  Our pal hugs us and walks home feeling alot better.  We pat our swelling ego and think, gee but I'm a good person!  But what if we weren't up to the task?  Then it's "How dare someone put me in this position?  Do they think I can solve everyone's problems??  Not fair!"  So that tender, doubting side appears from within our very being, from the core, and we are now more in need than our friend.

If someone needed a dollar, I could hand it over.  If they needed $100 well, see now I'm vulnerable because I really don't want to give it up, even if I do have it .  Are we ever comfortable with the need in others?  And don't we sometimes fear they'll ask for more?  Interesting.

It's not quite the way a patient needs his nurse, who shifts gear into their training mode using all the skills they've learned to see to the patient's needs.  No, this is more esoteric, more primal, basic.  Like ancestral memory, when our first cousins gave a hungry cave-mate some seared meat instead of the usual cowering in a rocky corner, wolfing it down and growling if anyone came near.  The first act of kindness based on someone else's need.  The start of the vulnerable human.    

I always believed that every thought created by the human brain was a force of energy, and we know energy can't be destroyed, only metamorphed, changed into something else.  I'm happy to say that this is a quantifiable thing, measureable in many ways. Thoughts into energy.  

Since energy can't "die" but only mutate into another thing of energy, where does it go?  Where does potential energy go?  Like, if you took a Slinky (remember those?) and wrapped the springs in rubber bands nice and tight, then dropped it in a vat of acid, where would that potential energy go?  Provoking.    

I believe that every action, every thought, leaves its imprint within our world.  It continues through evolving time to this day and exists all around us.  This could explain why people, credible people, claim they've seen "spirit-like" lights, forms, ectoplasmic shapes that resemble people actually.  Has anyone ever seen the "ghost" of a squirrel?  Or a giraffe?  What about a tree?  Only humans, it seems.  And if reincarnation is, indeed, a fact, could we ever see the ghost of our former selves?  Would we recognize it?  That's why I say it's human brain energy that hangs around long after the animated body that held it in.  So, if you walk through a place in time where centuries ago someone strangled someone else in great anger, you may feel a chill, or actually see a form, some kind of light.  Even strangely-clothed people.  The imprint of the past energy from that incident.  I wonder what kind of imprints our actions are creating this very minute .... centuries from now, someone will walk through the space we are occupying and perhaps feel someone of what we feel right now.  Or even see a "ghost" of an oddly-clothed person sitting at a strange machine that taps out words on a screen.  Makes one think more carefully on what we do while we're here, I'd say.  Leaving negative energy is a bit like "spectral littering' - perhaps we should be more thoughtful of future life, in the types of "ghosts" we leave them to deal with?  Imagine. 

Didn't our early ancestors have emotions, however undisciplined?  Didn't they feel a kind of unwanted inadequacy when called upon for emotional support by a cave-mate, who may've just seen his friend gored by a saber-toothed tiger?  Allthat energy, still imprinted all around us!  Fascinating.  

It may explain something else - why the warmth of an outdoor fire at night beneath a star-studded sky will warm us more fully than some safe indoor fireplace flicker, under a roof rather than the stars.  

I want to have the ability to help in anyway when asked by anyone for anything, yet my ancient vulnerability makes me doubt my skill.  The fact that I know I could fail is my own conceit, for surely I am as flawed and needy as the one who needs me.            

12 comments:

memes121 said...

Hello friend. I have you on alerts but haven't been geting them! Tammy

lsfp1960 said...

Great entry...though provoking.   Linda in Washington state  

merry1621 said...

I wish I could say "You took the words right out of my mouth." But I don't think I've thought it out quite that well.  You did express all the feelings I have, though! This was extremely well written, and well thought out entry. Thanks for writing it!
Merry

princesssaurora said...

I can answer the slinky in the vat of acid, the 'potential' energy is released within the reaction of dissolving the slinky.  

But, I do get what you are saying in the entry... stuff to think about...

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

luddie343 said...

Cathy 2 Dawn: So are you saying the dissolution, an act of energy, absorbed the potential ernergy the slinky would have released?  I couldn't grasp it!  Brava, kudos, I salute you! xo    

barbpinion said...

Love your entries. They remain on my mind long after I've read them. This one will, I'm sure, linger than most, because it hit home. I like being needed, like knowing I uplift somebody in need. But sometimes their need is HUGE, making me feel inadequate. I have figured out, the hard way, that we can but do our best, and let God do the rest. People in need appreciate what we give, no matter how small the offering. I know! I was close to homeless many times and people helped me, often apologizing for not being able to do more. I didn't need more. The fact that they helped at all filled me up.
Hugs, hon,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

skylark9876 said...

I believe the "energy" you speak of is true of everyone and everything in our Universe and beyond.  Love is energy that we give to others - and the energy they feel for us, comes back to us in the form of energy as well.  I find that the positive energy I give to another is important and special.  A hug, a pat on the back, words of encouragement are all necessary for us to share.  Why is it so important that we have to be right or that what we say has to come true??  The important thing is that we said it to someone who really needed to hear it. And who's to say that the positve energy imparted on another does not flow through them filling them with hope and renewed strength to believe in what we have said? The BELIEF is what is necessary - believing that everything is going to be okay, or better health is just around the corner, or telling them that they are never alone but God is always with them.  Who is to juge that what we have said is not possible or is wrong? Anything is possible!!
As for me, I welcome being needed.  I believe that the people who come to us and cross our paths in life, are sent by God Himself for reasons we may never know.  The important thing is to welcome this as an opportunity to do God's work and go forward in faith. Yes we are all flawed - and we all have fears of failure, but fear not, for God is with us and He will make all things right for those that BELIEVE.  

treesrgreen78 said...

For me I have absolutely no fear in being needed.  Energy for me is something I have never had much of in my life.  Now with all the different conditions I have, some of which are fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and diabetes, I have even less energy.  Yes I can relate to the energy you speak of to my friend.  My life is spent hoping that some day, I will find the energy to do little tasks of which most do every day that come second nature to them.  Energy for me comes from me being needed.  Since I lost my job due to illness I find that giving of myself in the only way I can by helping others in a very different kind of way gives me energy, after helping a person, I feel alive and know that though I might pay for it I can do anything, the energy that is regenerated in my body and soul by a simple task of saying hello how was your day, brings me joy and yes energy.  As for the brain and slinkies in vats of acid, I cant really comprehend that energy.  Energy for me comes from my soul, it gives me life by giving to others in need, and in turn  by helping them they help me to live, because I feel needed.  This may sound rather weird and I quite honestly dont know where these words came from, guess I am in a somber mood today.  

mrsm711 said...

I just take it as it comes.  Do the best you can.  ;)
http://journals.aol.com/mrsm711/LatteDah/     Tracy

grofsand said...

The greatest gift one can receive is the "gift of giving".  Each of us has a differnt threshold...some will give their kidney to a complete stranger, some won't.  Just because you won't hand over one of your good kidneys is not a reason to feel vulnerable....All acts of kindness are equal.  
Interesting and thought provoking entry...Marc :)

queenb8261 said...

Hmm, as much as you feel vulnerable being needed, I could not fathom NOT being needed. I guess that's why I keep taking my kids back in.  I just need to be needed. I can't imagine what will become of me when I am no longer needed.
Barb  

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