Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Moving Through My Grief As I Move Through My Life

Guess I've been away from these pages long enough.

I learned a great lesson when my father died so young at 67 such a perfect light in my world, snuffed out.  I didn't grieve properly, and paid for it a year later when something inside of me just broke into pieces.  You can't just cry if you have other things you need to feel, you have to get through them and feel them, then release them.  I feel I've grieved just enough now for my Uncle Jack, I've cried and stayed up all night thinking of him, and I can now release my grief into the universe.  Maybe someone else can use it now.

I've been in a state of anger, too.  Another emotion I had to learn to use properly, a survival tool we need.  Yes, we need to know how to use our anger, then let it flow right through us back out into the world - maybe some poor overworked single mom with kids hanging off her arms and legs, dinner burning, the other kid crawling out the door into the street and hubby's late coming home - maybe she needs to get angry for 10 minutes or so.  That's why I release my anger when I'm done, and say "Anybody need this?  Anybody want this, because I'm through with it now, don't need it, don't want it, don't like how I feel when I'm angry, have to give it back to the world."  And I do.  It's done.

Boy have I missed being here, talking to you - just as you are, I'd never assign judgment or want to change you in any way.  I know I'm talking and I knew you'd hear me, and look!  Here you are, you made it to my little place of peace and thoughts, ideas and theories, memories, dreams, all the minutia of a life.  Just one life.  You managed to get this far into reading what I've been feeling and I thank you for that, you know I always feel better when you're around!  I need you in my life.  So always return, you have the key.

   

16 comments:

frankandmary said...

I think sometimes we may think we have grieved properly, but later it becomes painfully obvious, we have a bit longer to go down that road. It does usually help to have a few other folks to lean on during the process.  ~Mary

princesssaurora said...

I am so very sorry for your loss... and have kept you in my prayers during this hard time.

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

barbpinion said...

Hon, I am so sorry for your loss but so happy to see your post, to see that you are working your way through it. It's tough- saying goodbye. Everybody who knows me knows I hate that word more than any other. You have been an inspiration to me- still are. Thanks for the key. I'll be using it often.
BIG Hugs, and love too.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

ab45yui said...

I am so sorry for your loss.  At the same time, really enjoyed reading what you wrote.  So true!  

nightmaremom said...

This was a very moving entry.  Welcome back!  I'm sorry for your loss...
hugs my friend
d

aimer said...

Nice to have you back and I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful entry and your words float in a sea of thoughtfulness and comfort.--Sheria
http://journals.aol.com/aimer/on-my-mind

jmorancoyle said...

    I am sorry for your loss. I know too well how that feels, and I offer my heart felt condolences. Sometimes when one is feeling a loss like that, one gets angry as part of the grieving process. To be able to get it out and get over it is a gift. I wish I had that ability. Good for you for being able to do it.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

rayne1123 said...

i know how it feels to hold onto anger and grief or not grieve properly i to have paid for it, i am happy you have figured out a way for you to release your feelings and anger back into the world.
take care
hugs
noelle

tpiez4me said...

Grieving....such a long period for a lot of us.  My Papa has been gone 7 years now and every so often I have a moment.  Anger?  Oh yeah that too....lots of things that should have been done or could have been caught "before" it was too late.  Anger is a good emotion, when used properly.  I think we all deserve to be able to express that!  It does make us stronger people.
Glad you're back among us!

mutualaide said...

Just when I was wondering ... up you pop!  Knew you would.  Glad to be here friend, glad to be here.

rockoned7 said...

Cathy,
I guess you have went through the basic steps of grief for your sad loss. As you know this is a natural healthy reaction to any sad loss and the mental anguish this causes. It is natural to grieve and this leads to emotional healing and can, in some people last an amazingly long and protracted period. It causes a physical as well as an emotional  sign that you are in grief.  

Many people go through different but similar stages with numbness, denial, leading to anger being the next step in this process. Whereas, as you state with regards to your father, the avoidance of grief can bring on physical and emotional problems in later life, and I am pleased that you can recognise this at any stage.

Further in this process is the irritability leading to guilt and that leading to a further loss of interests. It is good to go back to your blog as quick as need be, to avoid this stage and complicate the grief further. The most important aspect of anyone grieving is being able to cope with the loss by taking proactive steps such as avoidance of isolation, making sure that your physical health is in check and working order and postponing any major decision during these periods.

What can we do to help? Listen and not offer  false comfort, offer physical help and answer your questions  honestly and keep you in a regular routine and welcoming your blog. No doubt the pain will disappear in time and you will be the better for it in the long term. Well done in recognising this.

lanurseprn said...

Sometimes grief can take years.  I'm glad you're back.
Pam

gehi6 said...

What beautiful writing.  Gerry http://journals.aol.com/gehi6/daughters-of-the-shadow-men/  

preciousone25 said...

I'm late in reading this.... but I'm glad to see you back!!  And I'm glad you took the time this time.

Joann

libragem007 said...

thanks for the key....
Gem :-)

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