I can't find my favorite picture of Mom, this'll keep me awake at night. Yesterday's Mothers Day was pretty bleak and blurry, I didn't dwell on anything and just watched TV all day. But I couldn't sleep, and this morning I saw the dawn come up. It was rainy, dark, cold.
My mother spends so much time in my heart I never really get a chance to miss her, and I'd like to believe she misses me in some way - but of course she has no earthly worries anymore and I'm still stuck here, with a billion words left unsaid and deeds undone. Thankfully we shared our music and that's where the memories sparkle and sing.
Mom liked to pose. I preferred her natural, no make-up or wigs. I wonder, maybe she thought she wasn't good enough? She was so complex, alot smarter than she let on.
What a primal bond we have, mothers and daughters. Beyond words. I didn't expect her death to slam into me as it did, so fierce and painful. Somehow, she's managed to let me know all things are exactly as they should be, and I should have no guilt or fear.
So that's what I'll do - what Mother says.