Monday, May 12, 2008

Happy? Not Sure

I can't find my favorite picture of Mom, this'll keep me awake at night.  Yesterday's Mothers Day was pretty bleak and blurry, I didn't dwell on anything and just watched TV all day.  But I couldn't sleep, and this morning I saw the dawn come up.  It was rainy, dark, cold.               

My mother spends so much time in my heart I never really get a chance to miss her, and I'd like to believe she misses me in some way - but of course she has no earthly worries anymore and I'm still stuck here, with a billion words left unsaid and deeds undone.  Thankfully we shared our music and that's where the memories sparkle and sing.

Mom liked to pose.  I preferred her natural, no make-up or wigs.  I wonder, maybe she thought she wasn't good enough?  She was so complex, alot smarter than she let on.                

What a primal bond we have, mothers and daughters.  Beyond words.  I didn't expect her death to slam into me as it did, so fierce and painful.  Somehow, she's managed to let me know all things are exactly as they should be, and I should have no guilt or fear.

           

So that's what I'll do - what Mother says. 

                                                

 

15 comments:

ab45yui said...

Your mom and me had at least two things in common, the sweater she was wearing and the flooring.  I had a sweater just like that one in the late 80s or early 90s.  I'm glad you've decided to follow the path Mom suggested.  She's a beautiful lady.  God Bless!

bhbner2him said...

Your mom seems to be an elegant and fun lady!  I'm glad she was able to send some comfort your way.  -  Barbara

pamal3 said...

My starlady I feel that your mom Isn't too far away from you at all. How gorgeous Is she?. Wow! Have you checked the back of the chest of drawers for the pic? Love Pam xx

laineygthatsme said...

Lovely sentiments on that perfect bond between mother and daughter.
I personally like my dad a lot better but don't want the name of being a daddy's girl. Trust you find that picture and she was a very lovely looking woman.
Thankfully I still have mine as a guide a figurehead and counsellor, though I have to watch my wardrobe.

mutualaide said...

I think Cathy, that no matter how long gone or how much we miss them, our mother's stay with us forever.  Good memories, uncomfortable memories and the lessons they taught are with us every day.

attitudeslc said...

I wish I had such a bond with my mother.  It is so nice when people feel that way.  I do hope that my children feel that way.  I tried to learn from my mom and do everything the OPPOSITE! LOL.

As for missing you.  She can't!  She is with you always.  I believe that when people cross over that they are more intuned with us then, then they were even when they were alive.

Hugs Rosemary

frankandmary said...

Those wonderful/complicated/terrible/lasting primal bonds.  
I couldn't sleep either, but it was good thinking time.  I hope your day brightens. ~Mary

mastersblynn said...

I am afraid that this year is going to be my last Mothers Day with Mom.  I tried to make it as special for her as I could. I could never repay her for all the things she has taught me, done for me, and the years she has loved, prayed and cared for me.  Our Moms live forever in our hearts.  

wwfbison said...

I am lucky to have my mom and I love her more than anything, she is my rock & my best friend.  It has always been her & I since I lost my daddy when I was young.  Reading this made me cry as I cannot imagine not having my mom in my life...it makes me want to always be the best daughter I can be.  I'm sorry you don't have your mom by your side but having her in your heart can never be taken away from you.  I believe with all of my heart you will meet again.  Your mother was lovely, she is posing like a model.
xx
Lisa

sunnyside46 said...

love is stronger than death
Marti

shrbrisc said...

a mother's touch and her love goes way beyond the grave
hugs
Sherry

helmswondermom said...

I'm so sorry you were so lonely on Sunday.  I like that picture of your mother, and I hope that you'll be able to find your favorite picture.  I know when I lose my mom it's going to "slam" into me too.  We are very close.
Lori

ksquester said...

Oh she looks like somebody who I would have loved to know.   Anne

luddie343 said...

Anne, me too....

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