( This is really good, it's a repost from 2 years ago. )
Sunday, September 17, 2006
12:28:00 AM EDT
Hearing Pino Palladino
These are actual exchanges made in Courts of Law, taken directly from the transcripts, courtesy of a good friend:
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 8th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This condition, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: 45 years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Diane?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in their sleep, they don't know about it till the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Duh, what?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Can you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at the time?
ATTORNEY: She had 3 children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: And how many were girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: And was this a male or female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: (Stunned silence, then laughter)
ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, okay? Good. Now, what school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
WITNESS: Yes, the autopsy started at 8:30 a.m.
ATTORNEY: And was Mr. Denton dead at the time?
The best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So it was entirely possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
ATTORNEY: But the patient could still have been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, alive and practicing law!