Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Repressing Instinctive Anger

How can one reasonably repress the instinctive need to lash out when hurt, to tell a person how badly they disabused you, how completely inaccurate they might be about you?  When someone cuts to the quick and draws our private blood of the soul, we want to reciprocate with hurts to their being, just as fierce, just as painful, just as damaging and hopefully, come out the "winner" which of course makes no sense at all and never brings true satisfaction.  Yet we do this all the time.  There must be a better way, a more civil method of curbing the urge to strike out when struck.

I recently became the victim of such an outpouring of criticism, done under the protective guise of the word "constructive".  Though so much of it was inaccurate to my way of thinking, surely these horrors must've originated in some factual base, for my torturer was positive and steadfast in their belief they were right, I was not.  Being told you are "self-delusional" unless you embrace the beliefs of another is not just specious, it also hurts.  The psychic damage may take several introspective, meditative sessions before one returns to self-possession, self-assurance.  How is it that we allow others to utilize such power over us, a power we invest trustingly and perhaps with naivete but nonetheless sincere.  Perhaps it's time to stop sharing ourselves with those who can hurt us.  But how to recognize the sadist behind the sympathizer?  Their disguise is so well crafted!  Point, how do we suppress the urge to repay hurt with more hurt, how do we stop the cycle?       

12 comments:

geminirising12 said...

POINT - YOU CAN'T!  THERE IS NO WAY TO TOTALLY STOP HUMAN NATURE - THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THAT URGE WITHIN US TO "REPAY HURT WITH MORE HURT".  SAD BUT TRUE.  
HOWEVER, I THINK IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE A BIT MORE GENTLE IN YOUR RESPONSE, OR ATTEMPT TO IGNOR THE HURT ONE FEELS - BUT I TRULY BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO WAY TO "STOP THE CYCLE".
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE THAT HURT YOU WITH THEIR "CRITICISM" OF YOU - MAYBE THE CRITICISM WAS CONSTRUCTIVE AND HAD SOME MERIT BEHIND IT - DID YOU EVER THINK OF THIS??  WE CAN ALL MAKE IMPROVEMENTS IN OURSELVES AND IN THE PERSONALITY WE PROJECT TO SOCIETY.  WE ALL HAVE FLAWS - MAYBE THIS NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU?

BY THE WAY - THE BACKGROUND COLOR OF YOUR PROFILE LOOKS VAGUELY FAMILIAR!  ;)  WOULD THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH "LASHING OUT" AND REPAYMENT ON YOUR PART?

bedazzzled1 said...

We suppress the urge to repay hurt with more hurt when we decide whether or not the person(s) is genuinely wanting to help you with his/her criticism. Too often petty jealousies, bitterness, and downright nastiness are veiled under the cloak of constructive criticism. Once you recognize that the words are from the latter people, you walk away from them. No backward glances. They are history. Real friends, true friends, do not EVER hit below the belt so hard that the wind is knocked from your lungs. And when they think they know more about what you think than you do, why waste energy trying to convince them they are wrong? Their minds are closed, and you end up spitting into the wind.

Nikki

treesrgreen78 said...

I was recently devestated and hurt by someone as u know luddie, it took a great effort on my part to pull back  from that terrible ordeal.  I knew i must look at what happened from all sides.  I got help and discussed it with professional people and what i found for me is to hurt back the way i was hurt would not accomplish a thing but to let that person know what they meant to me in my life and how i wished them the best in life, was important to me  to show them that i could still stand back and be greatful for the time we did have, though it was not always the best of times, it was an experience which i took a very big lesson with me.  I told that person that if they ever needed me  just holler i would be there for them and i have done so  and i think they know in their heart what they truly lost in me.  Anger is not always the best way to deal with our hurts or loss and i certainly have done that at times, but this time i chose a different path and thanked them for being in my life and one day i felt they would know  what i really meant to them.  I think they are beginning to see that, but god decided he would send me someone more suitable for me and i am truly blessed now.  I thank the other person for letting me go  to find where i really needed to be.

TreesRGreen78

tzmeee said...

hello msLuddie...*if i may ?  not to retract from your well made point...regarding repressing instinctive anger...which by the way - i have a wonderful illustration...but, being unfamiliar with the word "disabused" - i decided to look it up....having my wellworn-handy-dandy-dictionary-never toooo far away...since the number of "meanings" n' spellings of words  i DON'T know...still far...oops, did i say far....i meant  F A R !!! outnumber those that i do know....but as i started to say...i looked up the word in my *merriam!!!Webster's dictionary...in case the thought might have flashed...through your mind* not that i would take it personally....lol...and i found it EXCEEDINLY interesting ...i thought you might not mind my sharing: d i s a b u s e - verb - only one definition given = " to free from error or fallicy."  
now ~ [a smile slowly rises...]
i gotta tell ya....i read your profil...and indeed your range of knowledge - vast.  which is even more why! i gotta tell ya.....[s/lol]
i never would have thunk! it!
thank you for that.

tzmeee said...

last saturday, i was making a delivery after work, *pharmacytech* = i was actually looking forward to it...the drop was on the same street my sister lives on...i did not get the opportunity to babysit the friday before...and i was tickled pink to see her and those ((((((squeezable ))))) children [smile]...anyway...sis n' i were talking n' playing with the kids...ryan n' hailey still had on their trick or treat make up....lol...ryan was a pirate! 6+,  n' haileybaily- 2+= little red riding hood...lol, they had been watching hocus pocus..and ryan had taught hailey to say these two words...acutally pretty well...lol...and when she did! he would throw himself into the loveseat's soft cushions...she was DELIGHTED...n' our hearts swelled with the realization = that ryan...never to keeen on his little sister from the beginning...would do such an endearing thing!!!  she was DEEEEEELIGHTED...[s/lol]
not real sure what happened...but at some point...ryan decided to stop the "illusion" - n' i guess this kinda ticked little red riding hood off...next thing i knew....ryan was standing before us...clutching the upper right side of his forehead....under which, was developing quite the eggsize lump....n' ryan...notorious for his non-repression!  stood consumed with controlling his rage!  he was not crying...he was not yelling...he was breathing!  clinching his teeth and his little forehead with all his might, alllll his energy directed towards NOT KILLING HIS SISTER!!!!!!  [s/lol] actually, i was very very very proud him!!!!  no explanation was necessary...not why??? not get her, mom....lol...just trying hard not to explode!  not yelling "victim"...*i could squeeze him now...just thinking about it...*but he hates that....lol which, i don't think! makes me wannnnnna do it more...lol
you know....in retrospect....do we ever do what we do - with ever any guareentee of outcome??? of course we always hope that we will be and will be heard in t

tzmeee said...

we always hope that we will recieve and be perceived in the truest sense of "sympatico"...moreover! we hope, with good reason...for we are reasonable folk! that we have every right to think that we will be treated by others as we would want to be treated by ourselves! ....yeah...i know the feeling...how  many times have i said..."is there a lawyer in the HOUSE!!!???"  cause...something ain't right here...lol,  "penalty!!!"  OH YEAH, FLAG ON THAT PLAY!!! major penalty!!!!
i remember...one night - after my shift had finished...i was staying late...cause that was the best time...for me...after everyone had left..and i had the juke box...the pool table and the dart board allll to myself....without...mr"just gotta rain on my parade" looking for ways to pop my "optimistic bubble"...lol... just then he showed up....- up to no goooood i would suspect...lol...if!!! i were the suspicious type @^@
he was the cleanup dude...actually it was just a gooood reason to gallavant...i suspect, *again with the suspicion....

tzmeee said...

~ of course...[smiling, ahhh the story of it alll..lol] ...i finished my paperwork...and decided i should - like a gooood girlfriend - help him in his tasks.  he didn't even need to ask me!  to my surprise!! and confusion....he did not receive all my good intention at allllllllll [ @^@], well.....lol...in fact...he bacame quite mean n' downright surly!!! , even pissy i would say!  
how could that be???  i was the one making the sacrafice here...i was doing alll i could to help him!  did he not seeee that! to which he replied: " i never asked you for your help" *hmmmm, [as if a light went off]
"you're right" , i countered....and with that went home merrily and completely guilt free.  for never had his answer beeen sooo clear...so very crystal clear.  why do we do what we do?  our intention?  to show love, by exposing who and what we are and how we feel?  or to get love, by exposing who and what we are..and what we are feeling?  do we trust, so that we might see trust...or do we give trust that we might demonstrate trust? if our intentions....are misconstrued? did we fail to commuicate clearly...or did they! fail to hear correctly??? ahhhh - yes...how exhausting the "exposing of human nature" and those crimes against us, our fellowman...so to speak.
repressing instinctive anger.......for me boils down to this....{smile]..."forgive me my tresspasses, as i forgive those who tresspass against me"  simple, i know...i don't need anyone to tell me what they think i might wanna hear....*maybe a complete different perspective!!!  i mean a completely!!!! different perspective is just what i neeeed!  i mean - if they feel it....it must be soooo?...could it be????
PERISH THE THOUGHT....could it be me??????? [s/lol] *hypothetically speaking, ofcouse.

tzmeee said...

in conclusion!  eric clapton said it best- when he sang~
~ when i walk, stay behind ~ don't get close to meee~ cause it's sure ~ to end in tears ~ so just let me~ be ~ )*( ~ slow ~ ~ )*( ~
"soooome will say ~ that ~
        ~i'm noooooo goood ~
                  maybe ~ i agree ~
                                              ~ take a look ~ then ~
                                                                               ~walk away ~~~~
                                                               ~ that's ~)*( ~alright with meeeeee ~
`ahhhh love that sadddd stumming guitar ~
hmmmmm....all my days....
~ cause i'm ~ a lonely stranger ~ here ~ will be ~ all ~ my days ~...

*you know...speaking as "one misunderstood on occasion ~  my own damn self~"

tzmeee said...

* i was wondering....what answer or answers have you - yourself - thought of - that would for you! as is the case...provide you a "reason"-able means by which to repress....hummmm - repressed Anger...what was it that Jack nicholson's character said about anger?  our "temper" is not something we can get rid of by losing it? [chuckle] ...something like that....
~ if you would please - expound - what conclusion/or conclusions have you pondered when addressing this very touchy issue...."
let's see....a more civil method to combat? correct? compensate? to control 'civil unrest"?  ah yes...of curbing the urge to strike out when struck?  *of course-for me- n' i was quite surprised how calmly it all came to me...n' how calm i suddenly became...when - lupe, turned in a hurry to escape her husband's unrepressed anger,
rushed pasted me to the passenger door of my car...as she fled - john was about to lunge on her from behind...when i - *it was sheer instinct - i assure you...no heroics, instinct - stepped in front of him. after 1 or 2 attempts to remove his hand from my throat as he pushed up against my car...i said " go ahead...put your hands on me again...and everything you own ...now...n' everything you ever hope to own...will be mine!  Go ahead....put your hands on me again! please."  funny, how "reasonable" he suddenly became...i guess he could see the anticipation of following through with it....- in my eyes...{bat bat bat }
~ but ~ this is not a civil issue is it?
~ no...this kind of assult - although just as real...just as painful as those that leave the trace evidence...is a bit more difficult to prove in court...*que'no?

tzmeee said...

[pausing...]  no....and i should say so!!!!!  repressing through meditation? wow...you'd be in that loatus position a long time!!!! i mean i would!  nope...how do we reasonable deal with the unreasonable?  ****[smile] ** i find working up a goooooood sweat really helps....it gives me time....to ponder how i would concievable take this "perp" out! without getting caught...lof course, *remembering first love! lol...but i am of the "columbo" generation...thus=no one, ever gets away with it...you never know...what's gonna trip you up!  so beating the rap...is out...and being of humble means...my only legal option? ...i know i'm guilty...i can't afford to be innocent!!!! so maybe...i can stop..n' for my own sake...n' consider my premeditated??? perp?...hmmmmm? n' ouch....at the same time...and stepping back i might be at first surprised by the blood...but then, why shouldn't i bleed? n' red at that! am i not flesh n' blood - toooo? maybe...it was not as you say a vicious - surprise of an attack...a set up....maybe it was not an assult at all! but a one time shot at finding out if...after allll this time...we can indeed, still bleed...maybe!!! there was not time!!  you know...like MEDIC!!!! -are you sure - can it be sooooo inconceivable??? just wondering...what you concluded...

cyndelouwho22 said...

I admit that I am very sensitive and when I was hurt this week by a person that I don't even know, I wanted to tell them what they had done was wrong and MEAN! I had to repent--I didn't realize that those feelings were so close to the surface. I had almost given up trying to break the barrier--nobody wants to let anyone new into the fold. I'm thankful that I found you! and the Lord will have to resolve the other issue. I have no idea what the girl's problem with me is--I've never had any dealings with her ever before and I've been nothing but kind to her. You sure hit all the hot topics, don't you?

be said...

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