Thursday, May 4, 2006

Self-Possession

What an amazing feeling, I wake from a deep sleep with an unusual feeling of completeness, and it's surprising!  I even remember the dream I was having and how it woke me, just when I felt my most secure.  I think my subconscious knew I'd want to experience this and journal it, because by the morn I might not feel the same.  I'm not sure!  But it has happened before, so .. All I know is this dynamic of self-assurance and confidence, of feeling like I've just killed a dragon lol this is amazing!  It's as if I've gathered all the refuse of my hurts and woes and just laughed them away - left them to die of inattention, as they should.  Who could hurt me now?  Why would I allow anyone that power ever again?  The comments of my family seem ages old, and so inaffective.  How could I let simple words direct my feelings. when those same words were as negative and useless as - well, what's the most negative, useless thing I could have, I suppose it would be a belief in the metaphors and allusions of others whether they're loved by me or not!  Alluding to my hair length as holding me back somehow, why didn't I see the jealousy and just pain idiocy of that remark?  This is enlighening, no wonder I woke up!  And there's humor too, when I realize how foolish I was to allow that hurt.  I see now I'm a perfectly complete and self-possessed woman all on my own and need no confirmation except that from God, in private meditative moments of communion.  I think I know what I'll do, start my yoga classes again.  I doubt this neuropathy will make it easy but so what - right now I feel as a human newly brought to the well of self-assurance, and I'm drinking in all I can.  Good for me! 

7 comments:

sassydee50 said...

Dear Luddie~You go, girl! Self-assurance and confidence are good feelings indeed. I agree with you about private communiion with God. As Maxine--would say--who cares what you think anyhow?! heehee Make it a tall drink of water! Blessings, SassyDeb ;-)

http://journals.aol.com/debbted/SassysSecondWord   <<see a little of Dutch's art; he won't let me show much and funny comics here!

splitfeathers said...

Luddie!!!!! WHERE YA BEEN??? LTNS! was great to see your email....yay!...i enjoy your blog....deep thoughts are important part of change which leads to growth.....I hope you keep writing....I've linked to your blog..so will try to keep up.
:wavin at ya from atlanta now:yup moved around this past year...a lot!..hopin to stay put awhile here.....*we'll see what spirit tends me to do.
carewell...n don't be a stranger...be strange*....lol.....Split....ps.....everything comes full circle.....its how we choose that makes the impact different....everything has a reason...season or lifetime in our lives.....and there are no mistakes....*it is spirit's will...what weave we walk...namaste*

hadonfield78 said...

i like this, it is very insightful.
I like your take on things....
Http://journals.aol.com/hadonfield78/TheHadonfieldMyersExperience

cyndygee said...

Wow!  Why were YOUR "faults" being examined?  I'm sort of in shock.  He who is without inappropriate hair length may hurl the first can of hair spray (they explode, don't they . . .  guess it depends on which kind you're hurlin').

Double WOW!  I want to welcome you irregular eye lid and all . . .  this IS laughable . . .  no, I take that back.  Jealousy is NEVER fun or funny.  Let's call a spade a spade . . .  or maybe that's one call we shouldn't MAKE!  Put down that receiver!

I live just around the corner and hope you'll come visit my rather pedestrian but pleasant journals . . .  my hair is of inappropriate length ALSO!

I write two journals regularly, contribute to AS I AM (a health journal) and do a daily POSITIVE Email called for lack of a snappier moniker, POSITIVE PALS.  Drop by.
   Cyn
    http://journals.aol.com/cyndygee/TheRealWorldofcyndygee
    http://journals.aol.com/ccancu/CEEGEEATLARGE

   

bedazzzled1 said...

LOL! Here I thought I was being smart to begin with your first entry and leave comments until I reached your latest. I guess you can just ignore my previous comments, because you have found the confidence and self-assurance you needed to handle the situation. Excellent! Hang onto them fiercely.

Be well~
Nikki

tzmeee said...

ok...thank you....[smiling]
~ from this new awakening...you realized the way to "reasonably" repress the "unreasonable" was to ~ simply ~ get over it???  exactly. repression can only lead to bad digestion, deep set lines across the forehead..and grey hair!!! i say NEVER! [s/lol]  you go girl!!!
when it comes to opinions of others ~ about us...or our opinions of them ~ well...i once heard it put like this: opinions - are like - sphinxters - everybody's got one ~ somewhere!  did we honestly seek the view of another...knowing and therefore accepting whatever they had to say...since we did ask...or did we truely expect to be congratulated ~ n' completely agreed with - on how ^WONDERFUL^ we are! ?
self delusional???? now that would annoy me...cause frankly...i have come to terms as in - i don't take it personally, when i find that the world has - for one reason or another..their own to be sure...purposely disillusioned me....i was told it could happen....[smile]...but to INFACT, be the cause of MY OWN DISILLUSIONING!
now that's just whacked!!!! n' please!!!! somebody!!! tell me NOT!!! [smile] ~ of course to consider the implications of such a thing is....is....is..."a waste of time"? moreover of my time...oh!!! i  know!!! ~ whew! of course!!! THEY ARE COMPLETELY WRONG...in my way of thinking...i am NOT the problem, *they are* thinking i am..therefore i must be! - THE SOLUTION!!!
* oh yes....i have seen this movie before....[slol]
~ [[[[ finding a seat ]]]]] ~ on the isle..preferrable [smile]

be said...

華麗夢想,
夢世界,
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酒店上班,
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禮服酒店,
禮服公關,
酒店領檯,
華麗夢想,
夢世界,
酒店經紀,
酒店工作,
酒店上班,
酒店打工,
禮服酒店,
禮服公關,
酒店領檯,
華麗夢想,
夢世界,
酒店經紀,
酒店工作,
酒店上班,
酒店打工,
禮服酒店,
禮服公關,
酒店領檯,
華麗夢想,
夢世界,
酒店經紀,
酒店工作,
酒店上班,
酒店打工,
禮服酒店,
禮服公關,
酒店領檯,
華麗夢想,
夢世界,