Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Holy Prostitute

I thought of you again last night, it was not unlike other times of stress when for some reason I feel your presence. So how are you, Carol? It's been 5 years since you died. Feels like 500.
Thanks for the messages, I think I understand but some are confusing. Of course, I expect that, still being ruled by this corporeal brain, and you having shed yours - I know you're happy in a sense I'll never know till I see you again. If I have eyes. But surely I'll know it's you.
Remember my Mother? I guess you know she died shortly after you did. Do you com
mune at all, can you? Have you finally met my Father? Are they still fighting? Is the life-after-death as predictable as this one? Guess I'll know soon enough.

Carol I'm playing tug-of-war with my heart, I don't understand why I'm losing my hair and my bones, I don't like the way everything hurts so much, I stumble when I walk, I miss the way life used to feel and most of all, I think I've lost something very integral to my soul. Tell me it's a phase and I'll gladly believe. Tell me in a dream. I like dreams, I depend on them. Why haven't I been dreaming lately? Something's wrong...everyone dreams.

I'm breathing in and out of a world I don't recognize, and I miss you. We're still friends, yes? Is your higher form uninterested in my humanity? Or was your death just ano
ther step toward something finer, better, more than human...? Carol, I'm impatient for life!
Tell me in a dream...






6 comments:

ADB said...

Hope you won't join Carol for a long time yet, Cathy.

Dawn said...

{{ Cathy }} I am sorry you are struggling... hang in there, dear pal.

be well...

Indigo said...

I hope your able to find some answers soon hon, and more importantly peace. I think they (those we knew loved, befriended in this life) watch over us. I think there is some part of them that stays connected to us, won't completely desert us till they know we're alright....(Hugs)Indigo

MISSY said...

Who knows what becomes of is later but I hope you are with us for a long time Luddie. *M*

http://learningtoadapt.blogspot.com

Ben said...

A mind so brilliant and beautiful must prevail...

Ben
http://ben-better_left_unsaid.blogspot.com/

Gerry said...

I found this entry touching, and I believe there is a silence as we get older that is part of transition. Before the dreams come, the sense of this and other worlds, but in transition, the communication between seems less active, but then I think we are going to what is real, not just speculaton or imagination, so the body has to be felt dying. I have often thought about how a brain will die slowly for years until there is almost no communication coming from it, as happened with my mother, but she was a very disturbed person and I felt that the silence was something she needed to go through to grow calm. We needed it, too, for she was violent enough that we had no reason to mourn her silence. It was nice to have her just there without being able to say anything cruel. I think her capacities had to die to force her to this peace. She would look at us sometimes with baleful eyes when something had angered her, but for the most part she got used to her own silence and maybe she found it more peaceful, too. There is a reason for less activity to be experienced in our diminishing strength. This is meant to be encouraging rather than discouraging to you. AS we remember that we have to feel our own infirmaties increase in order to feel the transition and reason for it. Gerry